I dislike deep dark holes, I’m top side with the kettle on!

“I dislike deep dark holes”  sounds random but let me explain. There have been instances when issues drop into my lap, problems which I don’t have any answers to. Being a good listener maybe all that is required, yet I can be subtlety drawn towards the dark,  swirling maelstrom, that spirals out of control to a deep hole that traps us at the bottom where we can get stuck trying to figure out how to address the issue. I prefer not to participate in any mental surfing that ruminates on problems in a brooding fashion. I prefer to stay firmly above ground in the sunlight and have a ladder or rope ready for any hole dwelling, mulling, contemplative individuals. I can put the kettle on and call with words of encouragement, I can listen for as long as it takes but I resist the temptation to fall into the whirlpool of circling thoughts and issues. This theory works both ways as when I feel rotten and can’t see the wood for the trees I talk to my family and friends and there is always someone with a verbal, not literal, ladder to help me out of my hole.

Sometimes issues can be resolved by simply remembering: the past cannot be changed, and doesn’t change the more anyone talks about it, so best to accept it as it is. The future is unknown so no point mulling endlessly about what could happen in a million different imagined scenarios. The key is to be in the present, address just what is in front of you today. I have for some time now been practising living here and now, being responsive rather than reactive. I endeavour to drop any bias that entrenches or prejudices my interpretation. My aim is to see life just as it is. If I observe life with this attitude life is usually simple and accommodating.

Emily’s spinal cord injury has lead to some deep  thoughts revolving around the unanswerable “WHY?”. It is best not to get drawn into that debate because it just simply is. There is no answer to “WHY?” “IF ONLY” “WHAT IF” . If I do try to process these questions I’ll just end up with an ulcer. However many times I revisit the past the outcome never alters. I can not anticipate the future as too many variables and unknowns so the best place to be is here, right now, enjoying the day in front of me. It would be a shame to miss today as missing today means I’m missing the point.

If I find myself in a deep musing hole I pop my head over the rim and look around as answers are rarely to be found in rumination pits. Answers may never come to me but living in reflective depression asking tough soul searching questions of life is no way to spend my time so I chose to stare each day in the face and make the most of it. The best approach for me is to accept I’ll make mistakes but if I care and hold on to my core values with integrity, if I always treat others as I would have them treat me, then maybe clarity will come to all my questions and enlightenment will show me a clear path forward, no dark melancholy holes involved.


2 years after SCI affected my family – I look forward….

2 years ago the phone rang and I was told the devastating news no mother wants to hear, my daughter was paralyzed. I woke up today thinking about the surgeon’s words in 2012 but they are so hard to recall because our family has moved on. We are not the people we were then, we have lost, grieved, readjusted and rehabilitated.

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